Oh, good heavens.

Same Starbucks, different day, different employee, ACTUAL CONVERSATION:

Customer: “I’d like a 2% vanilla latte.”

Barista (making random conversation): “I’ve always wondered… two percent of what? Where does the other 98% of the milk go? Ha, ha.”

Customer: stunned silence

Barista: “I mean, why are we getting so little of the milk? Where does the rest of it go? It doesn’t make any sense.”

Supervisor (stepping in): “It’s referring to the fat content. This milk only has 2% of the fat left in it.”

Barista: “Wait, so the percentage has to do with how much fat is in it? Milk has fat in it?”

Supervisor: “Yes. Whole milk has all of the ‘fat’ still in it, and 2% milk only has 2% of the fat left in it.”

Barista (sounding stunned): “How do they get the fat out?”

Supervisor: “There’s a whole process they use where they boil it and then collect the cream off the top.”

Barista (sounding doubtful): “So, then, what’s skim milk?”

Supervisor: “Milk with no fat left in it at all.”

Barista: “So there aren’t different kinds of cows out there that give different kinds of milk?”

Supervisor: “No. No, there are no skim cows running around.”

I really need to get my family out of this state before it’s too late.