I am the queen of ADD-land.

What’s that?

You don’t believe me?  You think you have me beat?

Well, you’re going to feel pretty foolish in another moment, because I’m going to prove it.

Earlier this week The Bean and I went down to the County Clerk’s office to get copies of some important paperwork (Squid’s birth certificate, etc.) in anticipation of our upcoming move.  While we were there we picked up a copy of our marriage certificate, just in case.

Without further ado, I present to you the evidence supporting my claim….

My marriage certificate:

Yeah, that’s right.

What you see is correct.

Signature of Groom?

Yup!

Signature of Bride?  

Uhmmmm…… Nope?

Yeah. So, it appears I forgot to sign my own marriage certificate.  How did this happen?  I have no idea.  I remember entering the room.  I remember watching The Bean sign it.  I remember watching the witnesses sign it.

However,  when it came time for me to actually sign the danged thing, apparently something distracted me.  I really have to wonder — what on earth could I have found more important than signing my own marriage certificate?  Did a really cool butterfly flutter by?  Did someone offer me a really shiny stick of gum?  Maybe someone told the world’s funniest joke?

I wish I knew.

Nevertheless, there you have it:  tangible evidence that I am The Queen of ADD.

I mean, I’ve had my suspicions of this before.

In high school I forgot to show up for the SATs.  I paid for it, I bought the study book…. and then I just forgot about them.   I didn’t realize I’d missed them until I overheard some kids talking about them the next week.

Whoops.

I also forgot to show up for a final in one of my college classes.

I didn’t even remember about it until nearly a week and a half later.

Double whoops (and an “F”, in case you were curious.)

Still, I think this new “proof” might actually take the cake.

Not only is it as confusing as heck (seriously, nobody noticed that I didn’t sign it?  Not a single witness?  What’s the point of having witnesses, if they’re not going to have your back on stuff like this?  Yeesh.), but the Bean has started referring to it as his “Golden Parachute”—as in, “Becky, you’d better be nice to me.  I’ve got my ‘Golden Parachute’ out of here unless you treat me reeeeeally good.  What’s that, Judge?  Marriage?  No, sir… I wasn’t married… just look at this here certificate.  Do you see any signature on that?  Nope!  Me neither!  Have a nice day!”

The Bean is also very, very close to spending the night on the couch, in case you were interested.

At any rate, there you go.

I am the Queen of ADD-land.

You may all bow before me, and.. and, CRAP I forgot to pick up milk at the store.  I really need to text The Bean to remind him to pick some up on his way home, so we can have some for The Squid’s bottle for tonight.  Definitely gotta text him….Where’s my phone?  I know I put it around here some place…..ah-ha!  Here it is.  Crap.  The battery’s dead.  Where’s the cord?  Oh, yeah, I know where the cord is!  It’s in that overnight bag – the one I put in the boys’ room.  I need to get it out.  Let me just pull it down and… Oh, hey!  That’s where that purse was hiding!  I’ve been looking for you, you dumb thing!  Heh – here’s that little note my coworker gave me last week.  It’s such a sweet note.  It always makes me think of..

Think of….
 
Wait.

What was I supposed to be doing again?