Things I Never Thought I’d Say: Part Three

“Don’t pee on the dog.”
“You pick that up off the floor and you eat that…..right now, mister!”
“Don’t lick that.  It has pee on it.”
“Don’t choke your brother!”
“NO.  You may not pee on me.  We don’t pee on Mama.  I don’t care if you said please.”
“If you do that one more time I’m going to let your brother bite you.”
“Get your hands out of…. Eww!  Don’t drink the fish water!”
“I said put that away!  For the last time, we do NOT PEE ON THE DOG!”
Parenting:  it’s not for the faint of heart.

Things I Really, Really Never Thought I’d Say

I’ve already written a blog about the really weird things I catch myself saying to the DragonMonkey.

After this evening, I now have a couple more to add to the list.

“Leave the dog alone! Quit trying to touch his thingie!”

and then, shortly thereafter:

“The dog’s thingie does not eat fish sticks! NO!”

and for the grand finale:

“DROP IT! We do not eat fishsticks that have touched the dog’s thingie!”

Things I Never Thought I’d Say

Motherhood is weird.

I spend less time parenting than I do shepherding the DragonMonkey around the house as he pingpongs around from danger to danger.

And I catch the weirdest stuff coming out of my mouth.

“Bleach is not for babies.”

“Get your hands out of the toilet.”

“Get that tampon out of your mouth!” <— unused!

“No playing in the trash.”

“Quit making yourself vomit!”

“Knives are not for playing.”

“Don’t eat the cellphone.”

The list goes on. I’m trying to keep track of the strange things I find myself saying, mostly so I can embarrass the DragonMonkey once he’s in high school. Today’s addition to the list?

“Quit licking the cat.”