Conversations About Carrots

“Hey, Mom?”


“If one of our horses pooped…. If one of our horses pooped….. if one of them….”

“Take a breath, think about what you want to say, and try again.”

(Deep breath in, then out) “If one of our horses pooped gold, we could probably keep all four of them, huh?”

“Son, if one of our horses pooped gold, your dad would love horses more than we do, and we’d be able to keep as many as we wanted.  Also, when we mucked stalls the wheelbarrow would be very heavy.”




“So I found a vet to give Carrots an ultrasound on Satur—”


“Shhh, let me finish.  Anyways, the vet will give her an ultrasound on Saturday, which will tell us for sure if Carrots is pregnant, and also let us maybe know how far along she is in the pregnancy, within a month or so.”


“Well, I would love to have you with me, but the thing is—”


“The thing is, it’s going to be a long car ride, and I’m going to spend it talking with Rose, so you’d have to sit in the back seat and not talk.  Also, when we got to the vet’s, you would have to be so quiet it would be as if you aren’t there.”

“I can do that!”

“You would have to be still and quiet and just listen, because I want to focus all of my attention on the veterinarian, and Carrots.”

“I can do that!”

“Also, it’s not like the ultrasounds I used to get when I was pregnant with the twins.”

“What do you mean?  They aren’t going to lay her down on a table?”

“No, they do it standing.  They will give her a sedative to make her feel sleepy and relaxed, and then the vet—“

“I know, I know, I know.  The vet puts lotion on her stomach and then puts the thing on it and slides it around and–”

“No, she doesn’t.  Now, would you quit interrupting me and let me finish?”

“Okay.  Sorry, Mom.”

“So, the vet does put lotion on, but what she does first is put on a reaaaalllly long rubber glove, probably all the way over her elbow, and then she puts lotion on top of the glove… and then she picks up Carrots’ tail and grabs the ultrasound wand and then she shoves that arm alllll the way up Carrot’s butthole, probably up to the elbow, and she’ll do the ultrasound that way.”



“No.  I’m good. No, no, no, never mind.  I’m good.  I don’t need to be a part of that.  I think I’ll stay home.  I don’t need to be a part of that.”

“Yeah, that’s what I figured.”


Photo taken minutes apart – what a difference level ground, good angle, and better lighting can make! Also, the bad angle shows why I’m working so hard to get more calories into her. I invested in some Horse guard weight gain and alfalfa pellets that I will soak in addition to the rice bran.  She seems to have less appetite – which would make sense if she really is pregnant. Let’s hear it for answers on Saturday!  Also, this is a really long photo caption.  I probably should make it its own paragraph, but I’m much too lazy for that. 



Things I Never Thought I’d Say: Part Three

“Don’t pee on the dog.”
“You pick that up off the floor and you eat that…..right now, mister!”
“Don’t lick that.  It has pee on it.”
“Don’t choke your brother!”
“NO.  You may not pee on me.  We don’t pee on Mama.  I don’t care if you said please.”
“If you do that one more time I’m going to let your brother bite you.”
“Get your hands out of…. Eww!  Don’t drink the fish water!”
“I said put that away!  For the last time, we do NOT PEE ON THE DOG!”
Parenting:  it’s not for the faint of heart.

Things I Really, Really Never Thought I’d Say

I’ve already written a blog about the really weird things I catch myself saying to the DragonMonkey.

After this evening, I now have a couple more to add to the list.

“Leave the dog alone! Quit trying to touch his thingie!”

and then, shortly thereafter:

“The dog’s thingie does not eat fish sticks! NO!”

and for the grand finale:

“DROP IT! We do not eat fishsticks that have touched the dog’s thingie!”

Things I Never Thought I’d Say

Motherhood is weird.

I spend less time parenting than I do shepherding the DragonMonkey around the house as he pingpongs around from danger to danger.

And I catch the weirdest stuff coming out of my mouth.

“Bleach is not for babies.”

“Get your hands out of the toilet.”

“Get that tampon out of your mouth!” <— unused!

“No playing in the trash.”

“Quit making yourself vomit!”

“Knives are not for playing.”

“Don’t eat the cellphone.”

The list goes on. I’m trying to keep track of the strange things I find myself saying, mostly so I can embarrass the DragonMonkey once he’s in high school. Today’s addition to the list?

“Quit licking the cat.”