Theorem #1: A baby’s cuteness is directly proportional to how much sleep you have gotten.

During the day, when I am not trying to sleep, this is what generally greets me whenever I look over at the DragonMonkey:

During the day, the DragonMonkey is adorable.

Naturally, he’s not *always* that cute. The DragonMonkey’s cuteness factor is readily affected by how much screaming he has done.

Still, he doesn’t really start getting ugly until late at night.

Late at night, he really goes downhill.

By 11 pm, when I’m sleepy and he’s still awake, he’s not very cute at all.

When he wakes up at 1 am, wanting to eat after less than two hours of sleeping, he’s rather disagreeable-looking.

When he refuses to go back to sleep after his 1 am feeding, wanting instead to be jiggled/rocked/soothed/held/cuddled/etc for over an hour before allowing me to lay back down… Well, his daytime cuteness starts becoming a distant memory.

By the time 4 am rolls around, and his hungry, angry grunts rip me out of a deep sleep… Well, THIS is what I usually find glaring up at me from the bassinet:

Is it really any wonder that every day, about 4 am, I start daydreaming of sneaking out the side door? I know I can’t be alone in this. I’m thinking that most mothers hide their knowledge of Baby Equations out of embarrassment, and fear of that they will be judged.

Well, I have no shame. When I am sleep deprived, holding the beautiful, shiny-eyed little infant I gave birth to has just about the same appeal as making out with a rabid sewer rat. So, there. Judge me if you will, but I’m willing to bet that those of you who are mothers know *exactly* what I’m talking about.