Hold onto your hats, folks.

After bragging to my family about my mad turkey-cooking skillz, I commandeered the turkey-cooking for the family Thanksgiving. After all, I couldn’t trust the turkey to anyone else— it might come out dry.

I decided on a delicious recipe, where you create an Emeril-Essence rub, and then baste the turkey periodically with chicken stock and apple cider. You stuff the lucky bird with onions, orange, celery, bay leaf, and a touch of the powder. Before you put the turkey in the oven you rub 1 teaspoon of the powder all over the turkey.

That is, that’s what you would do.

If you were me, you would misread the directions and rup 2/3 of a cup of the powder all over the turkey, coating it in a gelatinous, powdery muck, marvelling that the recipe would call for so much powder.

Two hours into the cooking I realized my mistake. I’ve tried to do damage control, but I think I just ruined Thanksgiving.

I’ll let you know how it goes.