I haven’t abandoned this blog. It’s just that I have NOTHING left in me to write right now.

Who invented morning sickness? This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of. Seriously. What purpose can this possibly serve? I am protecting my growing fetus by living in a world that smells like rancid hot dogs and puking 4 and 5 times a day? That’s not even logical. In my next life I am coming back as a man.

I hate life.

Anyways, enough whining…. Who has time to whine when there’s all this puking to be done? I’m thinking of asking the doctors for some antiemetics. Hopefully those will do the trick and I can pull my head out of the toilet long enough to jot down some of the interesting stories I’ve been thinking of lately.

If they don’t, well, I’ve only got about 5 or 6 weeks left of this all-day misery left.

Why, oh, why was I born a mammal? If I were an ostrich, I could just wander around in front of The Bean and lay an egg, then wander off. He’d gather it up and have to do all the hard work.

If I were a sea horse, I’d squirt the Squidgelet into him halfway through the pregnancy and then go… I dunno. Hang out with some cool-looking sea weed while he suffered through the third trimester and childbirth.

Even better, if I were an emperor penguin I would lay an egg, give it to him, then head off to the beach and not return until it”s a cute, fuzzy, chirping chick.

Sigh.

I’m totally coming back as a man in my next life. I’m never going to get married (who wants to listen to a pregnant wife whine all day long?) and I’m going to drink lots of beer, walk around all day without my shirt on, and spend most of the day scratching my junk. It’s going to be bliss.