DragonMonkey is dyiiiiiing for a tablet.  His one friend has a tablet.  His other friend has a tablet.  His other, other, other friend has a tablet.  Can’t he have a tablet, too?

Son, you’re in kindergarten.  You’re getting matchbox cars and firetrucks for birthdays and Christmases.  If we start you out on little miniature iPads now, we’ll have to upgrade to weird stuff like hookers and cocaine by the time you’re in your teens, in order to “top” last year’s gift.

The DragonMonkey is not amused, in case you were curious.

Anyways, my parents were over at my house watching the SuperBowl game last night, and as such they brought the Holy Grail… or rather, their tablets.  The DragonMonkey happily buried himself in a sea of blinking computer lights and downloaded airplane game apps for several hours while we watched a quiet, practically child-free Superbowl game.

Video games suck in the DragonMonkey like nothing else – he’ll hone in on them with a ferocious intensity and only emerge to notice the world around him from to time, like a swimmer surfacing to breathe.  It’s a little like me and books, so I can’t say I don’t understand.

Last night he emerged briefly during this commercial:

If you haven’t seen it, you really need to watch it for this next part to make sense.

Anyways, the sound of the pig rocketing out of the barn drew DragonMonkey’s attention, and he eyeballed it dubiously.

“What even is that?  A… a cow?  A…. a warthog?”  He shook his head with absolute disgust, rolling his eyes in disdain before slipping back into his video game coma.  “That kid shouldn’t do that to his dog.  That’s not nice.”

Sure, son.  We’ll buy you a tablet.  And a Nintendo DS and heck, why not an XBox One to go with our PS3?  You don’t need any more actual life experience.

On a side note, does anyone know when the county fair is coming to town?  I want to go show my son the non-flying warthogs.